I am not someone who normally analyzes the previous year or makes goals for the following year. I think you should just start when you want to, if I have an idea it’s best to just start. The only way to get anything done is just start. But the transition from 2024 to 2025 feels big. 2024 was not kidding, the hardest year of my life and I probably had the biggest transformation too.

 

The first half of 2024 I was pregnant with a toddler, which is harder than having a newborn and a toddler. Every day felt like survival mode, I was a shell of a person, I was so tired all of the time. I felt so guilty because I was too tired to give my toddler the attention I wanted to and I felt guilty that I wasn't taking care of the baby or myself (I actually was but it didn't feel like it) because I was too busy taking care of my toddler. On top of this I was working, at least for the first couple of months and then potty training. During third trimester I was so uncomfortable and in pain all the time. I had insomnia, heart burn and the baby moved so much that it hurt, plus all of the other normal uncomfortable parts of pregnancy. We were pretty sure we wanted 2 kids but we always said we would talk about if we wanted a third after we had the second but during third trimester I had already decided. I could not do pregnancy again, I felt like I missed out on 9 months of Ryden’s life because I wasn’t present for it because I was too busy being pregnant. I also got preeclampsia again which meant I needed to be induced again and I threw up every single morning for the first 20 weeks of pregnancy again.

 

The first month of having two kids was actually great. My husband was home for a month, so we really got to bond as a family. It’s probably the only time we will ever be with each other that much. I also didn’t struggle going from 1-2 kids. We already had a great routine with Ryden that the baby just fit right in, it all felt so meant to be. I also already knew how to be a mom and was confident in my ability that I didn’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone. I asked for all the help with no shame and I told myself that no matter what help I was offered I would take it. People want to help, they want to be involved.

 

It got hard when my husband went back to work, having two of them by myself for 12 hours straight but it was doable. But then at 2 months postpartum the postpartum depression hit, I think part of it was because I got so little time to myself (I am going to write a journal about this, I just haven’t gotten to it yet and I feel like I just started coming out of it.)

 

2024 was also a huge transformation for me. I heard somewhere that when something is too hard, you have to level up so that you can accomplish what is hard and I think that’s what I did, not on purpose but it happened. 

 

Something I have been really focusing on since I could was my fitness. After I had Ryden I had no desire to workout besides walking and sports because I knew I wanted another baby and I felt like I’d get fit and then just lose it immediately. After having Oaklyn and knowing he was my last baby I was ready to get fit again. I purposely workout 3-4 times a week plus walking and sports and I feel so good. I didn’t focus on nutrition, I always ate good so I just continued eating good. I didn’t want to limit myself while breastfeeding and learning how to be a mom of two. Now that Oaklyn isn’t breastfeeding as often I have been paying more attention to eating protein, whole foods and not eating too many high calorie treats. I am working towards being the fittest and healthiest I have ever been.

 

Another thing I have been learning about is manifesting the life you want which is actually just neuroscience and quantum physics. I am not going to explain it because I don’t think I understand the science enough to explain it but I understand it enough to use it to my advantage and get results that I want.

 

Since having Oaklyn I have become way more confident. Part of it is, I feel like when you have really young kids you live your life out loud and if you aren’t confident in your decisions you are going to go crazy. I see strangers look at me when I let my toddler walk around without a jacket or my baby yells in a restaurant but I am confident in what is going on so I don’t worry about it at all, I don’t even pay attention to it. When I decided I want to share these journals and put myself out there I knew I had some major work to be done first. I had a huge fear of being seen, of feeling not being good enough and of no one caring. I had to reprogram this out of me and it took months. But the result wasn’t just sharing these journals and posting my life online. I became way more confident and happier because of it. I was no longer scared of being seen, and not being good enough in real life and I had to learn that I was doing it for me and not for them. I love posting on instagram, I don’t care about followers or likes, or I at least try not to. I get to look back and see me enjoying life with my kids, basically I’m making myself home movies and I don’t care what anyone thinks of it because I am doing it for me, not for them and I am living life for me, not for them.

 

So after living 2024, 2025 just felt like a fresh start. I spent my 20s setting up this amazing life. I went to school, bought a house, got married, had my kids and now I just get to enjoy this amazing life that I set up for myself.